I lived in HNL for many years in the very desirable Kahala area and worked as a professional musician. I loved the work and met many wonderful people, felt well liked and respected and yet it was still difficult for me as a “Hoale”, for all the reasons you stated, there is just no getting around it!
Another issue that you didn’t mention is the “weather” – yes, believe it or not – “the weather”. You have to like sun, heat and high humidity all year round. The humidity improves with trade winds, but there are long stretches of time with no trade winds and the mugginess becomes unbearable.